“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).
That’s my favorite verse. It still surprises me, though. For most of my life, I was a nihilist, an atheist who believed that life is meaningless. I lived life by my own rules. I believed that people who follow society’s rules are nothing more than sheep. And I refused to live like a sheep.
I was already pretty wild and free-spirited by 8th grade. In fact, that’s when I started smoking weed and taking mushrooms and LSD. Then, after my mom died when I was 16, it really got crazy. I loved my mom. Suddenly nothing made sense anymore. I felt angry, confused and alone.
I started drifting here and there, working odd jobs, staying delirious from drugs and drinking to the point of psychosis. Even after six of my closest friends died living the same lifestyle, I just kept running, more and more out of control. Until the day I broke down, standing on a bridge, bawling. I needed help. Homeless and broke, I came to the Milwaukee Rescue Mission for a meal and a bed. But I also heard a message about Jesus. At the time, I thought it was just nonsense. But I joined the program anyway.
Then I began to listen. And God softened me up enough to hear. I realized that I couldn’t fix myself alone. I couldn’t be the free spirit playing by my own rules anymore. I had to let go and ask someone for help. So I got on my knees and asked Jesus. Everything I built my life on came crumbling down, and Jesus built my life on a new foundation.My mom taught me that I didn’t always have to have the answers.
I just had to know where to find them. The Milwaukee Rescue Mission showed me where to find them — in Jesus. All my life, I didn’t want to be a sheep. But this Easter, I’m following a Lamb.